Defriended!

People are confusing. On this, I think we can agree. They do weird things. They run hot and cold. They are inconsistent, fickle and unpredictable. They can soothe your troubled spirit one minute and vex you to the point of breaking the next. And that is on a normal day. Earlier this week, I had a chance to experience human behavior at its most capricious, at its most ambiguous extreme. That’s right. Once again, I was de-friended on Facebook.

Now, I’m not one of those people with friends numbering in the thousands. I’m not one of those people who, when you see their profile, make you think, “Oh, there is no way you know all those people. You must send a friend request to everybody you see at the mall. Like this person right here. Who is she? I bet she waited on you one day when you were buying slacks at JCPenney.”

At the same time, I have enough Facebook connections that my friends number will fall by a digit once in a while and I won’t be able to tell who left. Those disappearances are understandable. People open and delete accounts on social networking sites all the time. When I notice a drop in my friends number, I just assume another account just went poof never to be seen again.

Being de-friended by someone close to me is a different matter. I’ve been through it twice. It hurts.

About a year ago, I was defriended for posting an article with political implications one of my friends disliked. The day before yesterday, I was defriended for leaving a comment on a friend’s wall he thought had an unpleasant tone.

No one would do this in real life. In face-to-face space, we have conversations. We engage. On Facebook, it’s simple to shut someone out, to click them forever into oblivion, to relegate them to being one more mouth closed forever.

Still, I have to admit I can see that the ability to break off a relationship with just a few clicks has its advantages.

In fact, having now twice been the victim of serious defriendings has helped me make a decision. I don’t see why this easy dismissal of others should be limited to the cyber world. I’ve decided to import facebook relationship techniques into everyday life. From now on, whenever someone annoys me, even to the slightest degree, I am going to throw my arms in the air and shout “I defriend you.”

Some kinks will have to be worked out of this plan. For example, can you shout “I defriend you” at someone and continue being her father? Her husband? His teacher?

I can also see how this plan would have certain situation-specific limitations as well.  Don’t try it on a long car ride, for example. No one wants to be riding along, defriend someone and then follow that up with some awkward silence and asking your ex-friend if he minds if you change the radio station.

It’s not a perfect plan, I know. But, still, I’d advise you not to hassle me about it. Not if you want to stay friends, that is.